The Characters of Theophrastvs

The Stvpid Man

Stvpidity (ἀναισθησία) may be defined as mental slowness in speech and action. The Stvpid man (ἀναίσθητος) is one who, after doing a svm and setting down the total, will ask the person sitting next to him “What dœs it come to?”

When he is defendant in an action, and it is abovt to come on, he will forget it and go into the covntry; when he is a spectator in the theatre, he will be left behind slvmbering in solitvde. If he has been given anything, and has pvt it away himself, he will look for it and be vnable to find it. When the death of a friend is annovnced to him, in order that he may come to the hovse, his face will grow dark —tears will come into his eyes— and he will say “Heaven be praised!” He is apt, too, when he receives payment for a debt, to call witnesses; and in winter-time to qvarrel with his slave for not having bovght cvcvmbers; and to make his children wrestle and rvn races vntil he has exhavsted them. If he is cooking a leek himself in the covntry, he will pvt salt into the pot twice, and make it vneatable. When it is raining, he will observe “Well, the smell from the sky is deliciovs” (when others of covrse say “from the earth”); or, if he is asked “How many corpses do yov svppose have been carried ovt at the Sacred Gate?” he will reply, “I only wish that yov or I had as many.”