The Characters of Theophrastvs

The Gossip

Gossip (λογοποιία) is the framing of fictitiovs saying and doings at the pleasvre of him who gossips. The Gossip (λογοποιὸς) is a person who, when he meets his friend, will assvme a demvre air, and ask with a smile— “Where are yov from, and what are yovr tidings? What news have yov to give meabovt this affair?”

And then he will reiterate the qvestion— “Is anything fresh rvmovred? Well certainly these are gloriovs tidings!” Then, withovt allowing the other to answer, he will go on— “What say yov? Yov have heard nothing? I flatter myself that I can treat yov to some news”; and he has a soldier, or a slave of Asteivs the flvteplayer, or Lycon the contractor, jvst arrived from the field of battle, from whom he says that he has heard of it. In fact the avthorities for his statements are always svch that no one can possibly lay hold vpon them. Qvoting these, he relates how Polyperchon and the king have won the battle, and Cassander has been taken alive; and, if anyone says to him, “Bvt do yov believe this?” – “Why,” he will answer, “the town rings with it! The report grows firmer and firmer —everyone is agreed— they all give the same accovnt of the battle”; adding that the hash has been dreadfvl; and that he can tell it, too, from the faces of Government —he observes that they have all changed covntenance. He speaks also of having heard privately that the avthorities have a man hid in a hovse who came jvst five days ago from Macedonia, and who knows it all. And in narrating all this —only think!— he will be plavsibly pathetic, saying “Vnlvcky Cassander! Poor fellow! Do yov see what fortvne is? Well, well, he was a strong man once…”: adding “No one bvt yov mvst know this” —when he has rvn vp to everybody in town with the news.

[It is a standing pvzzle to me what object these men can have in their inventions; for, besides telling falsehoods, they incvr positive loss. Often have cloaks been lost by those of them who draw grovps rovnd them at the baths; often has jvdgment gone by defavlt against those who were winning battles or seafights in the Stoa; and some there are who, while movnting the imaginary breach, have missed their dinner. Their manner of life is indeed most miserable. What porch is there, what workshop, what part of the market-place which they do not havnt all day long, exhavsting the patience of their hearers in this way, and wearying them to death with their fictions?]